Loss

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." Philippians 3:8

These past few days we have been discussing this word loss. The question that we heard over and over was "What is it that you are losing or what loss have you experienced since deciding to move overseas as a missionary." I have been playing this verse over and over in my head..(see above) ... I count everything a loss.

Have you ever experienced loss? Did you ever move somewhere and lost your identity? Did you ever experience a friendship that suddenly turned sour and you were lost? These are kind of the emotions that I've been feeling. I currently, do not have keys on my key ring that give me a sense of security, accomplishment, or simply home. Yes, I will get these again in Budapest but right now.. Well, I have my room key here and that is all. When you move .. overseas.. you lose things. Relationships get harder to keep up with, you lose watching your friends in every day situations, you lose quality time with family, you lose hearing your national anthem played. Sounds kinda silly huh. (those were just a few)

As I've been thinking about moving to Budapest, emotions swell in me that are a huge mixture but the underlying emotion has been excitement. It is not the emotions of loss or crying or sadness or being scared. It is excitement because this is what I've waited for in the past few years. Its my dream. Yes, I am sad to leave my family, friends, and identity in America. I've shed many tears. I know that the good-bye's will not be easy. But.. I know Christ. I know him even more through these times. He is becoming bigger everyday because I am realizing that I NEED Him. He's not just there for convenience but for sustenance, companionship, understanding and love. At the end of the day, I gain Christ if I have lived it for him.